Have you ever liked someone when you’ve known you shouldn’t?
I’m not talking about “your friend’s last partner” or that crap or, the popular person or whoever we think is out of our reach. No, I’m talking about liking your best friend.

I mean, sure, it’s weird, right? It’s just the person you’ve known for however-many years and gotten to know so well.
See, even if it is weird, it’s not half as weird if you’re both guys.

Yeah, you heard me.

Maybe it was just ‘cause the moment I started liking him, I had taken something out of context, blown it out of proportion and let my vivid imagination fill in the cavernous gaps

It took me a while to accept, but… I realized that my best friend was more to me than just that.
My name’s Sy, and I’ll tell you just how it happened.

Pai and I had known each other since my very first day of school and had instantly become friends. He was always been two years ahead of me and the popular one. I was the nerdy guy that not many people wanted for more than to copy homework from.
We told each other everything. We laughed together, played together, cried together (even if Pai did most of the crying), got in trouble together… Yep, childhood days were golden!

Now, enter my family: My parents were constantly at each other’s throats. Constant threats of divorce were thrown around like they meant nothing anymore, but neither of them signed the papers. I was a bit too young to understand exactly what was really going on at the time, being maybe nine or ten. I knew my dad hit me, but not my mom.
Oh, right, yeah. I have an abusive father.
He’s never really liked me, dunno why… I can’t remember a day when he didn’t hurt me in some way, shape or form.
Anyways, my mom left some time later, leaving me there and that’s when my dad got out of control with the alcohol and stuff. He got more and more violent and it started to show.
Pai kinda noticed and… I was a bad liar as a kid. He worked out of me that my dad had given me the injuries.
He started to let me sleep over at his house more, so I could stay away from my dad as long as possible.  (And yes, this sob-story has a reason at the end.)

One day, when Pai didn’t see me at school, he got worried. It was Pizza Tuesday, and we never missed eating together on Pizza Tuesday.
He said he ran right to my house after school, only to be told by a neighbour that I was at the hospital.
I honestly have no idea how he got there ‘cause my house was a 30 minute drive from the hospital and Pai’s parents didn’t get home ‘til late. He didn’t use a car, he told me later.
But he got there all the same and.. Haha, he was so out of breath when he found me. He actually had run by my room about three times, the dork.
He walked up slowly to me in the hospital bed, taking in my neck cast, my arm cast, my multiple bangs and scratches.
His eyes got dark like I’d never seen them before and he asked, “Did he do this?” I nodded.
“I just fell down the stairs, Pai.” Which was only half true. I had taken a tumble down a flight of stairs, but it was more “pushed” than “fallen”. You think I was gonna tell him that? No. You think he saw though me? Duh.

Suddenly, he collapsed on the bed sobbing. I couldn’t quite make out what he was saying, but something about this being his fault and him not being there to protect me.

There.
Did you see it? He “hadn’t been there to protect me”. That was the turning point of my best friend-relationship with Pai.
I mean, I thought it was stupid he would think that, but why on earth would he blame himself? It made me feel warm and fuzzy on the inside.
There was someone who actually gave a shit about me in this life. Amazing.

My dad walked in and interrupted.
Pai glared at him through his tears. He said things I never thought he could. Most of them starting with “f”.
Pai’s parents suddenly walked in and started yelling at him. One, for running off without telling them and two, for swearing.
He started to say something about my dad, and then looked over at me, as if asking my permission to finish. I shook my head. It would only cause more trouble and I didn’t need anymore of that.
Pai said good bye, and was led away.
I was left to my thoughts; my dad had gone out for a smoke.

Pai... he made me feel… like I was worth something. I figured at first, it was just a new level of friendship, and I suppose in a way, it was. I didn’t think I liked him ‘cause I didn’t even know what gay was. I’d only seen girl/boy romance in movies and stuff and the thought of homosexuality wasn’t even an option in my mind. It just wasn’t there, like, t didn’t exist.
Gosh, I was an naïve kid….