Well, I was right. Things did get more awkward.
It was March, and over the past few months,  Pai and I had been spending less time together than usual. I figured he was getting a lot of work from school, I mean, he was in his final year, right? Right.
I still hadn’t told him how I felt.
Pai and I were best friends, I could tell him anything. Anything.. but this.
I wasn’t sure if it was going to change our friendship a little or a lot. Or if we’d even be friends afterwards…
But you can’t just tell yourself not to like someone. You can tell yourself it’s wrong, and gross and bad and terrible, but you can’t really stop liking them. It’s sorta hard.

Valentines day was brutal. There was a dance going on that night, but neither of us had dates, so we didn’t go. Pai said he was tired though, so we didn’t hang out.
I was kinda bummed; after my only valentine being from some creepy girl that had been in a previous class, I couldn’t spend it with Pai.
Oh well. Stuff happens.

But a month later, in March, I went over to Pai’s house on the weekend. See, I helped him with his computer stuff with school (PowerPoint presentations and all that jazz).
I walked up to his door, but before I could knock, I heard a thud and nearly jumped out of my skin as I looked over and saw a body pressed up against the side window.
It.. it was a girl.
Her arms were wrapped around something—someone…
Their positions were switched and I got a front row seat to… Pai, my Pai, sucking face with some blonde bimbo.

I yelped and fell back, crashing into some floral pot and knocking it over.
The ruckus startled the two and they broke their kiss.
Pai’s eyes widened when he saw me.

Pai.. He… He kissed a…
Suddenly, it hit me.

This was the girl that had been eating with Pai and I at lunch for a while…. She must have been the reason Pai had been with me less and.. I didn’t want to think about what might have happened on February 14th…

I  got up and ran.
I didn’t know where to run. I just needed to get away.

I felt tears leak out of my eyes hot and fast, but I didn’t care if anyone saw.

I ended up at my house and ran straight to my room.
I punched the door.
Once for being so dense.
Once for running away.
Once for crying.
And once for… For.. Just ‘cause I was angry!

I was replaying that horrible scene over and over in my head. It made me sick.
My “best friend” hadn’t told me he had a girlfriend… Why?
…That bitch took my Pai—Wait.. What?
“My Pai”……
Since when did Pai become mine?
I mentally slapped myself  and sunk to the floor.

I couldn’t be thinking like that.. It was selfish.

Pai was never going to like me back. I had to accept that…

He tried to call me later on that night. He even came over and threw a rock at my window. That got me up.

“Could you not, please? You know how much shit I’ll get in if you break this?!” I called down in just above a harsh whisper.
Pai looked hurt.
“Sy-san… When you didn’t answer, I though you were hurt…”
“Yeah, well… I am.” I said shortly.
Pai looked down, then back up and said, “ I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Claire. I just … didn’t know how you’d react…”
Psh, he didn’t know the half of it.

“Sy.. Will you.. Let me in so we can talk properly?”

I said no and closed the window.
I tried to concentrate on a game I had been playing. But after about five minutes, I looked out the window again. Pai was sitting on my front steps.
He was waiting.. Probably would wait all night.

His face, when I went down and open the door was completely apologetic.

I stood aside so he could come in.

We sat on my bed, not really saying anything or looking at each other for a while.

“Sy, I don’t want to lose you… I … I love you…”

I nearly died. Did he just say what I think he just said or are my lonely ears deceiving me?

“I love you like you’re my brother, Sy-san... I don’t want you to be angry at me…”

Damn it, why do I keep getting my god-damn hopes up?! Geeze…
… But.. I could live with “brother”. He’d been my bigger brother since always.
I hugged him and sniffled.

"I love you too, Pai..." It was true. I was so happy to get it off my chest. Even if he didn't know it.

“I’m so sorry, Sy-san….”
“I’m sorry too, Pai…”